Performance Precedes Motivation- The World Of Teenagers

I know I know....I'm the mom that is always worried that her kids aren't social enough. They aren't overly involved in a million activities in school. You don't find them out every weekend at social gatherings. I'm forever wondering if this is normal? Am I too pushy? Overly protective?  I think it might be a combination of things. I recently found a book by author Dennis Baumgarner, entitled "Motivating Your Intelligent But Unmotivated Teenager."

Now lets be clear. My children are motivated. They do great in school. They help their Mom around the house.

I was looking for information about how to help them get more involved, but instead I found this book.  What did I learn from the book? I'm still trying to absorb; but mostly, I think I learned that I'm going overboard and I need to stop.

Parents that give too much motivational praise to their kids can actually "kill" their kids motivation. It's more demoralizing to the kids than a pick me up. So the things I read and took away from the book were:

Having something in common with your child will help them. Showing them that you are on the same page.

Understanding their opinions. Having discussions with your Teens to really LISTEN and find out what is their motivation.

Change will come from them....You can't change that. You can just be there.  Ask them questions with a WHAT IF...approach rather than a Dictation approach.  If you do these things, then slowly through a step by step process, your teens will go through the stages that lead from motivation to action,and then:

• Teenagers associate change with something of intrinsic value to them.
• The Teenager is able, willing and ready to change when they are ready.
• The Teenager is in an environment that is marked by safety, acceptance, and empowerment. This is up to you!