The Pohlads Are The World’s Only Poor Billionaires

The Minnesota Twins were riding high after a 2023 season that saw them -finally- win a playoff series for the first time since 2002. How did the Twins celebrate this success? By slashing payroll of course!

Declared 'right-sizing' the business by nepo baby Twins Executive Chair Joe Pohlad, the team used the lack of a TV contract to justify slashing roughly $25 million from the payroll. Sure, they got most of that TV money back when they re-signed with Bally in February, but it's important to make sure the billionaires stay billionaire-y.

The trade deadline came and went this summer and the Twins... watched it on TV like the rest of us serfs. With just minutes to spare, the Twins avoided being the only one of MLB's 30 teams to not make a single deal when they traded a minor leaguer for Toronto reliever Trevor Richards, who was unceremoniously dumped after less than a month on the team.

The Twins have slotted from 18th to 21st in MLB payroll every year since 2013. This season they are 18th. Since the beginning of time the team has declared itself 'small market,' despite never providing a single shred of proof that their finances are tight.

Despite a record that was 17 games above .500 in August, the team flopped down the stretch and missed the playoffs.

Over the years, fans have not only come to accept this but have somehow evolved into DEFENDING the ownership.

Strange days, indeed.

Unlike Major League Baseball, the National Football League, National Basketball Association and National Hockey League all have salary caps, national TV deals and other opportunities for revenue... so this isn't exactly an apples-to-apples comparison.

In 2022 the NFL salary cap was set at $208,200,000 and the Vikings' payroll was $208,790,000. For comparison's sake, the Cleveland Browns spent just $186 million. Despite being in the same 'small market' as the Twins, the Vikings have shown a willingness to spend in an effort to bring the state a Super Bowl... that's the point, right?

The Vikings had a chance to save a ton of money this offseason after Kirk Cousins spurned their contract offer and bolted for Atlanta. Instead, they took that money and invested it by signing other players and again, spent up to the salary cap.

The NBA's 'cap floor' is $126,590,000. The Timberwolves blew past that number, the 'over the cap' total of $140,588,000 and the 'first apron' number of $178,132,000 on their way to a payroll of over $198 million.  The Wolves were one of just four teams in the entire NBA to reach the 'second apron...' although that may change after the recent trade of Karl-Anthony Towns to the New York Knicks.

In the NHL, the Wild had a payroll of $83,498,170 against a salary cap of $83,500,000. The team spent nearly every dollar they could and ownership was still paying a five-figure bill just to NOT have Zach Parise and Ryan Suter on the team.

Again, the economics for each sport are different and there are different factors that come into play when making this comparison. At the same time, Carl Pohlad bought the team for just $32 million in 1984, while the team is now worth upwards of $1.5 billion. The money is there.