Earlier today I told you about my adventure trying to put together this fire table that my wife got me for Father's Day. There was a weird picture describing how to connect the propane tank to the table and it nearly made me just open the propane canister, light a match and watch the whole thing burn to the ground.

The other problem I had with this hell-sent fire pit was the claim made in bold type right there on the box. "Easy assembly," it said. "Can be assembled in 30 MINUTES OR LESS."

um wut.

So my wife brings me out to the backyard and is like "Surprise!!" and my kid yells out "HAPPY FODDER DAY" and I am all happy and smiling but also like "Oh dang there goes my Friday."

That's when I noticed the "30 minutes or less declaration" and pointed it out to my wife. She said "Oh, that's awesome. We are going to go to a barbecue and you should easily have this done when I get back."

Narrator: I did not.

It took me over two hours to put together this fire pit. Now, a great majority of the problem was the fact that it was yours truly putting this together. If Legos were a class in elementary school I'd have gotten an F at best. Probably would have been held back or had to have taken summer brick-building school.

So, box, I beg of you: In future printings of the package, please don't promise things that we can't live up to.\

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