As parents, we do a lot of things that are easily overlooked by kids as they grow up. For example, when was the last time you thanked your parents for potty training you?

This weekend, I discovered the most thankless task a parent could possibly do for their child. My friends, I nominate water balloon fights as the single most fruitless task possible.

First, you have to acquire the balloons. This is the easy part, as they are typically given to your child by a grandparent that knows exactly how much work they are sentencing you to.

Then, you have to fill the balloons. This is the part kids will never understand, because they never see this part actually happen. If they did, they would throw and break all the balloons before you had a chance to get a decent stash put away.


I spent about an hour to fill 25 or so balloons. I would say at least 20 balloons broke all over me in the same time frame, which was super fun. Who doesn't want to sit in wet underwear all day?

Tying the balloons is one of the worst tasks on Earth. They are stretchy, but never stretchy enough to actually easily get my fat fingers through to tie them. I think both of my thumbnails are now ingrown, which is cool.


Now we head to the driveway to enjoy the fruits of all this labor! Oh boy, I can't wait, this is going to be an entire day of fun!

Nah, just kidding, it will all be over in five minutes. Some laughter, some water splashing around then, boom, it's over.

Now your kid wants you to fill up more balloons, but you tell him no so he starts pouting and goes inside to change clothes. Dad gets to painstakingly pick all the little balloon pieces up from around the yard, which rivals only filling the balloons in terms of excitement, while the kid sits inside the air conditioning eating snacks.

Next time we are just gonna go with squirt guns.

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