I’m So Tired Of Hearing About Stocks

There's a scene in an old episode of South Park where the kids are trying to get back their stolen, beloved Okama Gamesphere. Every time they get close to the villains who took it, the bad guys start telling them their entire origin story, which makes Stan Marsh angrier and angrier because he just doesn't care.

This is me every time someone starts talking about their stock market experiences. It used to be easy to avoid such boring parlance because you could just skip that section of the newspaper or the few websites that covered it.

Now it's not so simple. My beloved fantasy football group chat is nearly 100% financial talk. Gone are the days of proposed trades and trash talk, replaced by tales of GameStop and AMC stocks and which companies might see a three percent gain if you just hold!

Dogecoin, Bitcoin, CoinStar.... I. Just. Don't. Care. Please stop.

It has now infected my own wife, who is CONSTANTLY showing me her phone to provide me with minute-by-minute updates on her movie theater portfolio. "I know you don't care, but....."

Look, I am just going to do what I always do: slit a hole in my mattress, stuff it with money, then come back every so often to check and see if I have gained any money yet. It has not happened to this point but you never know.

Here's a list of things no one cares about but you: your fantasy football team, your political views, your finances and former child star Alex D. Linz.