"Buy a house," they said. "It's not THAT much work."

Since buying our house I have repaired the water heater, the furnance, the oven, the dishwasher, both sinks... it just goes on and on and on. It can be frustrating- especially if you are basically an idiot like I am- but it is also rewarding to fix something you had no business working on and saving that dough.

However, there is one job in the house that I dread. It makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. The drain hair snare. Oh man, even picturing the tool in my mind makes me queasy.

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It's like the most disgusting treasure hunt of all time. You jam the multi-toothed, jagged tool down the drain as far as it will go then hold on to your breakfast as you drag up all that lies beneath.

If you have never had the pleasure of trying this very useful but very gross device, count yourself among the lucky. Every time it comes back up it produces a nauseating combination of hair and mystery gunk that ends up looking like one of the creatures from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.


What are you even supposed to do with the gunk? If I put it in the garbage I worry it will come to life and haunt my family for years to come. The only safe way to dispose of it is to kill it with fire... but that can be dangerous.

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