Oh look! Nightmare fuel!

At least in the pic above. The silly treasure chest doesn't dissuade the absolute terror I'd feel if I was snorkeling and found myself among a smack of jellyfish. At least we're safe from jellyfish in the freshwaters of Minnesota, right? RIGHT?!

Yes, There Are Jellyfish in Minnesota Lakes

Now, the good news is that these jellyfish are:

  • tiny (only 5-25mm in diameter)
  • rarely even seen
  • save their stinging for small aquatic invertebrates instead of humans and fish

The bad news? They're definitely not native to Minnesota. In fact, they may be from the Yangtze River in China, of all places.

More good news: while they aren't native, they're considered non-invasive and don't cause ecological damage.

And if you're just learning about jellyfish in Minnesota lakes, it's not actually a new thing: they've been spotted in Minnesota waters since the early 1900s. Again, since they're rarely even seen, we forget about them.

Are Ya Ready Kids? I Can't Hear Youuuuu!

The SpongeBob Movie World Premiere In New York
Patrick with abs just unsettles me... (Dimitrios Kambouris)
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Now we need a movie featuring SpongeBob Squarepants and Patrick Star trying to get a freshwater jellyfish back home to Minnesota. It can be like Homeward Bound...but with SpongeBob.

Sandy Cheeks can make disparaging remarks about "them northerners" during the trip, giving us the impression that she secretly sides with the Confederacy. She'll chirp about "heritage" while Patrick inadvertently pokes holes in every pro-Robert E. Lee argument she has.

She then falls in love with a black squirrel in Minnesota and questions everything she believed while growing up in small-town Texas. Society IRL is deeply divided over a cartoon and finally crumbles. The real apocalypse happens with nary a zombie in sight. There's no Rick Grimes or Daryl Dixon to save us. Not even a Carl Poppa.

Oh, and the jellyfish makes it home. Happy day!

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H/T: Bring Me the News

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