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Zodiac Shift Was In Our Stars All Along

Wobble WobbleBy now you’ve heard that you may not be that free-wheeling, carefree Sagittarius after all, or maybe you’re in a panic because you’ve heard your orderly Virgo lifestyle has been re-aligned. As a ‘former’ Pisces, I could care less about the Zodiac, but this past week, I was suddenly forced by the Heavens and my ‘new’ astrological sign (Aquarius), to have an honest and intellectual mental discussion about it.

News of the Astrological Armageddon went insanely viral (Thank you blundering dunder-headed Internet) after some Minnesota-based yahoo proclaimed that the Earth had wobbled out of sync with the Zodiac constellations and pooped out an astrological sign discarded by the Babylonians: Ophiuchus, alternatively called the much-cooler sounding Serpentarius.

In last Sunday’s Minneapolis Star-Tribune the man who started it, astronomy instructor Parke Kunkle explained:

“The Earth’s wobbly orbit means it’s no longer aligned to the stars in the same way as when the signs of the zodiac were first conceived, about 5,000 years ago. That means that when astrologers say the sun is in Pisces, it’s really in Aquarius, and so on.”

THAT, my Twittering, YouTubered and Facebooky friends, zipped at warp speed through the Internet and caused the creation of such silly things as FB pages entitled ‘I WANT MY SIGN BACK’ , to which thousands quickly liked. However, the Zodiacal doom-sayers were so rocked by that little revealation, that many didn’t read any further. Prof Parke added; “This is not new news. Almost every astronomy class talks about it.”

Apparently, this has been many a sooth-sayer’s dirty little secret for eons.

Popular astrologer Susan Miller called the news “ridiculous.” In an interview with ABC News, she said, “We’ve known about this for ages. The constellations don’t suggest what’s coming up, it’s the planets! The constellations are a measuring device.”

A much-more level-headed Dr. Ed Krupp, an astronomer at the Griffith Observatory, told an ABC news affiliate; “It’s not like it’s something new. Anybody 50 or 100 years ago or yesterday for that matter, could have and would have known that the stars and the signs don’t match up”

But hold on True Believer, astrologers say the shift in signs doesn’t apply to Westerners. If you didn’t know, most of us get our daily readings from the Tropical Zodiac, which is fixed to the seasons, NOT the Sidereal Zodiac, which is fixed to constellations and is followed more in the East.

It’s too bad, too, because my 15 year-old kid was really digging being a Serpentarius. But if you’re back to being an organized, methodical Virgo… this just screwed your whole week up.

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