Today is Donald Trump's first official week on the job as president. Here are The Top Things on Donald Trump's To Do List.

Make it a federal crime not to come to his next inauguration.

Invent some new alternative facts and coordinate them with Sean Spicer.

Rearrange portraits of the First Ladies in order of hotness.

Position nuclear missiles to target Rosie O'Donnell's house.

Get an estimate of how much it would cost to coat the White House in all gold.

Make another friendship bracelet for Puty.

Install Spray Tan booth in Oval Office.

Tell Melania to look less like she's being held prisoner.

Check "Celebrity Apprentice" ratings and make sure their tanking.

Call Billy Bush to see if he's up for a bus ride.

Thanks to my friends at the Complete Sheet for the inspiration this morning.