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Life After Divorce Can Be Frightening but Create a Better You After the Fall

So…are you finding yourself unexpectedly divorced after 15…20…even 30 years of marriage?  Did your supposed “Soul Mate”, find  “til death do us part”  an impossible daunting task that they just couldn’t complete?  Welcome to the club.  Speaking from my own experience of serving a nearly 20 year sentence followed by parole, redefining who you are once you’re “set free” can be challenging.

Now I say that jokingly of course…There were obviously great things that came out of our 20 year marriage, or it wouldn’t have lasted that long.  I’m just saying that when life threw me the curve ball, I wasn’t expecting it, and maybe you weren’t either.

Realize that divorce isn’t the end of the world….Start talking to people again. Read a book….Go for a walk…Take pictures….Do something!  It takes time…I don’t know how many times I asked myself…”When will this stop hurting!!!”   It’s another chance to be the person that you WANT to be, this time, prepared for whatever curve balls might be thrown your way.  It’s okay to ease back into life slowly…but start easing!

Have you thought about meeting people online?  You might shudder at the thought of an online dating service, thinking that it’s just for the new generation. However, there are more benefits to online mingling services than you realize, regardless of whether or not you’re interested in dating, or making new friends.  It’s a great way to exercise your social skills, create new contacts, and maybe get some ideas of new things that you might like to try in life.

Usually, you will find that a free month trial service will be available to you, and the site will let you set up a personal profile.  Basic questions like: What’s your Height, Eye Color, Hair color…. can be fairly easy to answer.  The question I had trouble answering was:
Write a one paragraph Biography on yourself.

The first time I sat down to write my bio, I couldn’t do it!   ”I wash clothes,  buy groceries, clean house, drive my kids to and from their activities and friends houses, pay the bills and cook supper.”    I’m sure men everywhere were swooning.  “OOH……That sounds like a great gal!  She sure sounds like a go getter!”   Yeah right.

Alone time can really be beneficial in figuring out what you want out of life from this point forward.  Maybe you are now in your mid forties, fifties, or sixties……You think that no one will ever find you appealing, attractive…whatever.    In reality…you WON’T be very appealing if you don’t take the time to define yourself, and find happiness just being YOU.  Remember…the old saying is true…Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  If you’re forty, don’t expect to look like you’re 15.  If you’re 60 don’t expect to look like you’re 20.  You are you…and that’s perfect.

I slowly began doing some soul searching.  I started doing things I enjoyed…I pushed myself back out there making friends, and being me.  It took me a year and a half to really start figuring things out…. and finding out who you are today and what your hopes and dreams are for the future, remain key elements in finding happiness alone, or with someone else.  You might find that the person you are today, is the person you really wanted to be all along.

If there’s anything that you can take from this is…Everybody makes mistakes…and sometimes, we make big ones.  Sometimes, people we love make mistakes that affect our lives that came out of nowhere.   Time is amazing, and knowing that time does heal, s

 

 

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