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I’m Sorry Alex, I’m Afraid I Can’t Do that

Our last best hope: Ken Jennings
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This week could be the beginning of the end of human life, and it’s going to televised. Worse yet, the most respected, influential and intelligent game show will be the harbinger of Ragnarok.

There are several armageddon scenarios; The Zombie Apocalypse, World War 3, Alien Invasion, a second Justin Beiber 3-D movie. But one has been looming on your desk, in your pocket and riding with you in the car to the North Shore- The Machine Uprising. This week, with the help of the most insidious Canadian secret agent, Alex Trebek, the final countdown ensues on America’s favorite game show; Jeopardy!.

It’s been innocently titled ‘Man Vs Machine’ week on Jeopardy, and two of the contestants are humanity’s last best hope for delaying The Machine Uprising.

Our heroes are well known brainiacs:

Kenneth Wayne (Ken) Jennings III; who holds a degree in Computer Science as well as English at Brigham Young University, and holds the record for the longest winning streak on Jeopardy! and the all-time leading money winner on American game shows.


Bradford Gates (Brad) Rutter; the biggest all-time money winner on Jeopardy! and the second biggest all-time money winner on a game show.

Their Opponent?

An evil mechanical demagogue, whimsically called ‘Watson’ (You’ll notice it wrote it’s OWN profile on it’s Wikipedia page)

Jennings and Rutter will enter the Jeopardy coliseum to do mental gladiatorial battle with the vile silicon would-be dictator today (Monday) and will go mano a machino all week.

Jennings has been quoted as saying Watson is ‘creepy’, but he also exudes it’s attributes (could he be the victim of an IBM implant?): Jennings says, ‘In addition to everything it knows, it hardly ever gets beaten on speed.’

But Jennings adds, “There are weaknesses.” (YES! Hope for humanity!). Apparently the computational conquerer has problems with very short questions and trouble with answers to questions containing abstracts, conceptual ideas and puns.

And the stakes, you may ask? What sort of riches await the puny human challengers and the dastardly digital demon?

If Jennings and Rutter win, they’ll each receive half a million dollars for a charity of their choice.

If Watson wins?

We all become meat-slaves in The Matrix.

Dear Ken and Brad, if Laurence Fishburne asks… TAKE THE BLUE PILL!!!!!!!


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