How to Deal With a Bad Break Up
Bad breakup? Is there anything worse than the moment you realize you’re eating your feelings? Ugh. Well, buck up little camper. Here are a few ways to get through it and be fresh for 2014.
I’m not saying in a mean way, “Oh get over it. There are plenty of other fish in the sea” because that’s not what you need to hear right now. I know because that’s what people who were trying to be supportive were saying to me and I wanted to slap them. Here’s what they should have said instead.
Set a Deadline
It takes a long time to get over someone you shared a significant portion of your life. It doesn’t have to be some epic long time thing, either. I dated someone for about 6 months and after I ended things, I wound up eating half a can of frosting. You’re going to need a grieving period. It’s OK, but at some point you’re going to have to get out of your sweatpants. Spending too much time on things can make it even harder to move on and it can start affecting things with potential new partners if you’re still hung up, so tell yourself (and others who can hold you accountable) you’re going to get over things by a certain date and stick to it.
Think it Over
Go through your relationship and think it over. Replay certain moments in your mind. What did you fight about? What was their chief complaint? Why did you break up? What was your part in it? Think things through, but make sure you don’t obsess over it. If you’re dwelling on stuff, it’s going to hold you back from living your life, plus if you’re obsessed with the breakup or obsessed with your ex, it annoys your friends. You need them there for support, but if that’s all you want to talk about, some may stop answering your call.
Learn From It
While you’re thinking things through and figure out what went wrong, if you realize some of the things were your fault, don’t beat yourself up over it. Just use it as an opportunity to learn so you don’t keep making the same mistakes. I remember after being dumped, I took to my phone and got in contact with some guys I know. Some I dated. Some I was just very good friends with and I asked them, “Is there something fundamentally un-dateble about me?” What I got back surprised me and it really opened my eyes to the mistakes I was making. If you can’t ask your exes, crowd source your friends and tell them to be 100 percent honest, but only if you’re ready to handle the truth.
I know he was hot and yes, she was very pretty and their pictures are great reminders of how high the bar is for the next one, but don’t keep their pictures around. Take the pictures off your desk, your computer, phone, dresser and anywhere else they may be. Take any gifts they gave you, stuffed animals they won at the fair and any other reminders of them and put them in a box. Now, I’m not saying set the box on fire, but just pack it up and get it out of your sight. It’s hard to move on by your set deadline if you have constant reminders hanging up everywhere you look.