Do You Want The “Average” Date? (Of Course Not!)
As a single guy, on the rare occasion that I meet someone that I just can't stop thinking about, I have to act. I don't believe there’s necessarily a "formula" for success with relationships - but I also don't put much weight in 'fate'.
I was raised by a mom, an aunt, and a grandmother, so I'm sure that my opinions and beliefs about women are more than a bit different than most adult guys. I’m more sensitive, and certainly more emotionally open, than most guys I know. In other words, I'm a big softie!
So, has my sensitivity, and lifelong insight into the female thought process, translated into dating and relationship success? Not even close! I’ve often wondered; ‘What am I doing wrong?’ Turns out… not much. I took to email and Facebook and asked female friends and relatives for guidance. Thanks to their kind understanding and advice, I was able to put together some ‘Dating Revelations’ so to speak… Suggestions that we could all use when venturing out with a would-be soul-mate.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE VERY IMPORTANT
While prepping for my show the other day, I read that the average date for British adults consists of; a pizza, a few glasses of wine, and a kiss on the cheek. That doesn't sound like an evening that "you will never forget", if you know what I mean. (But, then again, Boring = British, right?) I’ve discovered that within 10 seconds of meeting, a lady knows if she is seriously interested in me.
The advice I've received is to talk beforehand, figure out what interests we share and then plan a first date accordingly. I’ll always try to plan something fun and unique for a first date. I guess I just want to make sure we have a good time.
ALWAYS BE A GENTLEMAN
It's a good idea NOT to come on too strong, too soon - but don’t just go through the motions, either. Be polite and courteous, and that goes for both genders. Find that happy medium and follow the lead of your date.
If you’re a guy and reading this, make sure you pay attention to the conversation. I was always told that a woman wants someone who will sincerely listen - and someone who makes them laugh. But don’t be crude or make sexually charged comments and if you’re a girl, never over-flirt.
BE YOURSELF- NO B.S.
I know some guys who make the mistake of lying about all sorts of things; salary, family, friends, whatever. That's dangerous, because when a gal uncovers a lie, especially early on - no matter how big or how small – it is very difficult for her to believe, or trust you ever again. I think you should be yourself, right from the beginning. I know I want a lady to like the 'real' me, not the 'fake' me… and I assume the reverse is true.
First of all, never be too forward, or suggestive when it comes to the topic of sex. An acquaintance that becomes a companion is probably keen enough to know that the relationship may eventually lead to a romantically-charged level. But not before we become comfortable around each other and we're ready to open up to one another. I was taught it's important that a woman knows you're a great guy, and that I don't have a one-track mind. I know cheesy pick up lines don't work so I make compliments genuine, and thoughtful.
Most of us have had a night when we just wanted to tie one on. It’s true, a few drinks can calm the nerves, but getting hammered on a date is a disaster. The only thing you'll learn about each other is that you both like to party. You’re much more likely to say, and do, things that you’ll regret later, when you're sauced. If your date is the kind of person that HAS to be drunk every time you go out, or every night - run for the hills, that’s trouble!
Plan The Next Date
After a while, and assuming the date is going well, make sure you 'lock-in’ for another. I’ve never made it dramatic; I just say, ‘Hey, I’d really like to go out again next weekend or so - whenever works for you. I’m pretty flexible.” That way I don’t sound desperate... even if I am. Again, in my experience I’ve found that constant calls and text messages are more likely to get you ignored.
So in the end, it should pay off to be you, to be polite, to be different and to be confident... BUT don't ever be "average".
What do you think? Am I on the right track? Are my friends and relatives right? Feel free to add your advice below… or your disagreement!