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Be Very Afraid of Alison Gold’s ‘Chinese Food’ Song + Video

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Rebecca Black and ‘Friday’ are so 2011. But that hasn’t stopped Patrice Wilson of Ark Factory, who produced ‘Friday’ for Black, to peddle more drivel. This time, we get Alison Gold’s ‘Chinese Food’ and it’s not like ‘Friday,’ which was almost so bad it was good. This is downright awful.

It’s supposed to be golden-haired Gold’s ode to her favorite food, which she likes to eat after going clubbing. Wait, a girl who barely looks 12 goes clubbing?

The song is terrible. It fosters stereotypes. Gold can’t sing or act very believably.

But she ends up as BFFs with a plush adult panda, which is incredibly creepy, in and of itself.

When they frolic in the grass, and see a dish in the sky, we feel like they’re on some strange acid trip and have taken us along for the ride….unwillingly. Wait, did ya hear that? Oh, it’s just a sound of the PopCrush staff crying in a corner. Make. It. Stop.

All Chinese restaurant owners should file suit against the people behind this for the damage it will cause to their sales because watching this tripe might make people want to avoid lo mein and pork fried rice. The hot sauce scene? Highly unnecessary.

Mr. and Mrs. Gold, how did ya’ll let this happen?

Next: Relive Rebecca Black + Fridaymania

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